For in-depth and personalized safety planning, call or visit us at the FJCSC.
If you are still in the relationship:
- Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with potential weapons (kitchen).
- Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.
- Memorize all important numbers (SSN, phone numbers, etc).
- Establish a “code word” or “sign” so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help (example: “Have you tried any new recipes?”).
- Identify a trusted person you can tell about the abuse.
- Be aware of signs that your partner may be escalating.
- Trust your instincts!
- Begin to gather important documents, medications, and keys in case you need to leave quickly.
Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
If you have left the relationship:
- Change your phone number.
- Think about social media safety (making accounts private, un-friending individuals, and don’t post plans)
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer (make a copy of this and put it in a safe place or with a safe friend).
- Change locks and consider installing a Ring doorbell.
- Avoid staying alone.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
- If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place (police station parking lot, shopping mall, coffee shop, restaurant).
- Vary your routine. For example, if your abuser knows you always go grocery shopping on Tuesday mornings, start shopping on a different day/time or at a different store.
- Notify school and work contacts. Keep copies of your restraining order with you and provide copies to these contacts.
- Call the YWCA DV hotline at (707) 546-1234 for shelter services.
- Open up a checking/savings account in only your name. Do not continue to use your joint account.
Important papers:
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action.
- Social security cards
- Birth certificates for you and your children
- Your marriage license (or domestic partnership papers)
- Leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner’s names
- Checkbook, charge cards, statements and charge account statements
- Insurance policies
- Proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2’s)
- Any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)